Wednesday, 27 July 2011

in waiting

It's still hours left until I'm going to meet with a bunch of strangers.
I'm feeling apprehensive, but also oddly calm.

I don't know what will happen during the get-together.
If I'll be welcomed or shunned.
If I'll find a comfortable spot to sleep, or have to leave early.

Those things, and more, doesn't matter.
I will be there, and if they find me lacking in anyway, be it clothing, experience or appearance, then I say it is their loss. I know my worth, and I can guess my potential. If they ... well never mind.

The one thing that does bother me right now, is my meds.
I'm sure they (or rather, one of 'em) will mess things up for me if all else goes peachy.

Friday, 8 July 2011

taken by surprice

I got taken by weather-surprise a couple of minutes ago.

I usually have a sense of what the weather will be like for the day. If there's open, outdoors air directly available.
If there's a no risk for downfall, a low risk or high risk or confirmed risk, and if it'll be light, heavy or intermittent.

That weather-sense was pointing at "no to minimal" when we had a downpour.
Sense have perked up to "low risk of light downfall, which is more accurate since it's now a light rain outside.

I don't think I've been this surprised by weather since I found out mom had cancer. (Long story for another time.)

I feel ... blinded.
A sense that I've been able to depend on is apparently askew.

I need to get in a better headspace.

Monday, 4 July 2011

Single since a week

I'm single since a week back.

Not something I'm proud of, nor feel ashamed of.
The way the relationship ended could have been better, and the reasons likewise.
It was for the best for us both.
Better some pain now than worse pain later.
And yes, it would have ended sooner or later, and the longer the relationship had lasted, the worse would it have been when it ended.
So, I called an end to it after one and a half year, which was about six to nine months too late, imo.

So, what have I done this last week?
Trying to find stability and balance. To find something positive to focus on.
I tried with MineCraft, and it's great.
The posibileties are ... enormous. Your imagination is the only thing setting a limit to what you can make in that game and ... well ... I have well-planned ideas, but no energy to even begin to try achive them.